In therapy and my personal life, I have witnessed so many grieving moments that I would like to give my reflection on this subject.
Life transitions – such as divorce or breaking up with your long-term partner – can bring moments of grief. We not only miss the people and things you used to do but also there is a grief of the expectations and dreams you had. Accepting that things won’t be as we expected is one of the most painful emotions one can live. It’s time to rewrite who you are and where and how you want to continue. Create a new version of you.
On many occasions, the grief or changes in our lives lead to emotional crises. These moments of crisis lead us to question our paradigms of life. Adversity allows us to grow, but sometimes we can get stuck in suffering. Changes are not bad for us – they are constant in life, and at times they are necessary as they can help us connect with our essence.
Life gives us what we need to grow. With the unexpected changes, our life feels uncomfortable, we think that there is no control. The parts of our lives that were once known are no longer there. We can feel confused. So either we look at the broken pieces without hope, or we accept that it’s time to rebuild it. Accepting is not easy, it might bring different emotions, tears, and questions that we will never have an answer to. It is important to note that maybe in one moment, we can feel we have accepted the changes, while a second after, we feel the resistance to accept.
It’s not easy just to move on.
In this reconstruction, we have to observe what beliefs life is asking you to change, beliefs that no longer serve you. You begin to create a new way of living. Step by Step.
Here you will find some tips to cope with moments of overwhelming emotions and changes in our lives:
It is a strategy that helps us accept things as they are (as long as it does not put your life and someone else’s at risk). If it’s over, it’s already out of our control, and if it doesn’t depend solely on you then we have to remember that the outcome its not completely under your control. Radical Acceptance invite us to see things as they are, we tend to say it’s not good or it is good. They just are. It is important to remember that many things in life won’t have an answer as you would like them to have, and instead of asking of why this is happening? What for? It is a better question that you can ask yourself. What do I need to learn from this situation?
I like to practice radical acceptance with small things on a daily basis. It can be the traffic, and/or the line in the supermarket. I tell myself “It is what it is” and I take a breath with a long exhalation and relax my body, but fully try to relax the tension of my body while I say it.
If necessary say: “I let it go, I relax my head, I relax my jaw…” We inhale and exhale slowly. We are naming the parts of our body while we let go of what distresses us or makes us sad. I try to remind myself that this emotion can change based on how I decide to see things. If it is too hard to find a more neutral thought then #3 and #4 can be helpful.
Emotions feed on your thoughts, and your thoughts feed the emotions. Many times we get stuck in the thoughts that exacerbate the emotion, so it is important to review the perspective we are having. Remember, there are several angles of the same situation. Which one are you choosing to watch? Are you putting more fuel on the fire or lowering the intensity. So maybe we need a break and go for a walk, take a shower, something that can help us break into the negative thinking and dwelling on those thoughts.
It is important to remember that it is not about suppressing the thought; the thought is automatic, but if we can recognize our thought without judging it: “I am thinking…, I decide not to judge it” Relax your body, and then and you can tell yourself, “Now I choose to take care of myself, and I will do this….. to take care of myself (engage in a healthy activity”. What can I do now for myself? Something healthy, drink water, change position, and walk for a while.
5. Be patient with yourself. Trust that little by little, things will have more clarity. You don’t have to have everything exactly figured out in life; remember how many battles you’ve managed to survivve.
6. We will have to repeat these steps many times until it is easier to carry them out. Slowly